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The Day My Mom Left—And How She Returned
- Linda Bertaut
- Aug 22, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 24, 2025
On August 20, 1970, my life changed forever. My mom took her own life. I was devastated.
I know she thought she was getting rid of her pain—but in reality, all she got rid of was her body. Her pain was still there.
I had just turned 13, and I could feel her. Her energy was still here. She was still depressed and I could feel it. Sometimes, it felt as though she would enter my body so I could feel the depth of her pain. And it was really, intense and terrible—so terrible that it taught me early on that suicide is not the answer. This is not how you get rid of emotional or physical pain.
You see, we’re spiritual beings in a physical body. The spirit is eternal, while the body is temporary. So when you take your own life, all you’re doing is leaving your body behind—but your spirit hasn’t evolved enough yet to find peace. You still have to do that, only now it’s from the other side. What I discovered from my mom is that she was in this kind of limbo land for eight years. To me, it seemed like darkness—she was still in pain, still depressed.
After her death, I started suffering from my own bouts of depression. Not all the time, but severe enough that it disrupted my life. When I turned 21, I woke up one day and I just knew she was gone. It was strange feeling knowing she was no longer with me. I continued living my life—still suffering from bouts of depression—until one day when I was 30.
At that time, it seemed like everything in my life had fallen apart, and I was broken beyond repair. I had already started writing my suicide note. And since I am not one who loves writing, I thought I should make the decision before I take more time writing a letter.
So I sat on my couch in the living room with this half-written suicide note, to make the decision. I remember it vividly. I looked to my left—do I join my mother? Then I looked to my right—or do I choose another path? And a little voice whispered into my right ear, saying,"No, don’t do it!"
In that moment, I felt hope. And I chose to live.
I also knew I couldn’t continue living with depression. So, I decided I was going to heal from depression. Whatever it took, I was going to do it.
Fast forward a couple of years. I had learned Reiki, and started healing myself using Reiki. One day, my Reiki Master Teacher, Barbara came to me and said there’s somebody from the other side who would like to speak with you. I perked up because I’ve always believed there’s more than what we can experience here on Earth.
Barbara and I got on a call together. I wished I could have recorded it, but for some reason, the recording didn’t work, so I had to take notes. Barbara described my mother perfectly. She had never seen her, yet she described her as her younger self—a petite, Latina woman, well-dressed and beautiful. She said my mother was doing very well and told her she was no longer in pain. My mother apologized for things she had done that hurt me when I was younger. Things that I hadn't spoken about with anyone.
During the session, I was able to experience my mom’s new energy through an energetic hug.
I hadn’t recognized her at first because I was so used to her broken energy. It was during that reading that Barbara told me it was my mother who had whispered into my ear that day when I was on the couch. She was the one who said, “No, don’t do it,” and gave me the hope to keep going.
What I realized is that even though my mom wasn’t here to raise me, she was helping me from the other side—giving me the breadcrumbs I needed to take the steps to heal myself. I was able to develop a whole new relationship with her. I could feel her when she was around and her energy sparkled. She guided me to people and experiences to help me heal myself.
One of her favorite songs before she died was “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday” by Spiral Starecase. Every time I hear that song, I know it’s my mom… singing that to me, bringing a tear to my eye.
I’m sharing this song with you today in memory of my mother. You can play it and think about a loved one of yours that you may not have been able to speak to before they passed. And now you can let them know this song is dedicated to them—and that you love them more today than yesterday.
Your relationship with loved ones doesn’t end when they leave their bodies. Have you ever wondered about someone you’ve lost and then felt their presence in a dream, or while you were awake? Maybe a certain song comes on that reminds you of them, or a memory surfaces that feels alive again. These are all signs that they are with you in spirit.
You can still talk to them. You can still share the words you never had the chance to say. And sometimes, if you open your heart, you’ll feel their response.
Love is eternal. Spirit is eternal. And it’s pretty amazing what becomes possible when you realize the connection is never really broken. The worst day of my life led me to my purpose. Now I help others to heal themselves.
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