What My Mom Taught Me About Aging

My Mom didn't want to be 40

When I was in my early 30s, I attended a workshop through Eva Frederick’s Beauty Congress. This was before estheticians even had trade shows, and Eva, one of our industry pioneers, would bring in amazing speakers. One of them was Ilene Cummings, a woman who did incredible transformational and therapy work.

I was already on my healing journey at the time, and feeling hopeful about life. I remember sitting in that room full of women with a big smile on my face when Ilene asked a simple question:

“What did your mom teach you about aging?”

I sat for a moment, thinking. And then the answer hit me and I couldn't speak. My mom had been afraid to turn 40. She used to tell me, “I don’t want to turn 40.” She was 38 at the time. And then she took her own life before her 39th birthday.

The truth hit me so hard I burst into one of those uncontrollable fits of gasping and sobbing. The kind where you make awkward noises that you can’t stop and you feel embarrassed for bringing so much attention to yourself. The whole room fell silent as they looked at me. Ilene came over, put her hand on mine, and asked me:

“What did she teach you?”

I choked out the words: “She taught me it was better to be dead than to grow old.”

That realization stayed with me. It was painful, but also profound.

Fast forward a few years—I was now 38, just about to turn 39. One day I sat in my home, realizing I was reaching the age my mom had been when she died. And yet, I felt so young. My life was full of hope. I couldn’t imagine being dead at that age.

Then Spirit spoke to me:

“Figure out the day you will be the exact age your mom was when she died.”

So I picked up a calendar. I counted the number of days between her birthday and her death. Then I counted that same number of days from my own birthday back to the exact day I would be her age when she died. It landed on Mother’s Day. I was stunned. For a moment, I couldn't breath.

At first I was shocked, then flooded with emotions. How could this be? I was filled with a deep sense of knowing: I was meant to be here. I was meant to live.

Everything I had gone through—her death, my depression, the struggles, and the whispers from Spirit—were part of my life plan. I chose to live. I chose to heal. And I learned to be open to the guidance that led me to my purpose.

By the time I reached that age, I had healed completely from depression. I never again felt the debilitating fog that once ruled my mind and emotions.

My Mother's death taught me so much about life. I am thankful for these lessons.

If you are going through difficult times, take it as a wake-up call—it’s your spirit asking you to look in a new direction. It’s time to seek, to go within, and to discover the answers that are already inside you. Everything you need is within you.

I discovered that my own depression wasn’t a disease of the mind—it was the cry of a broken spirit. Once I healed my spirit, I was able to heal my depression. My life opened up with new meaning, new purpose, and a passion for living that I never thought possible.

So if you’re hurting, don’t give up. Go within. Heal. Allow yourself to grow into the life you’re meant to live.

Your life matters to me!

Me and Eva Friederichs

Me and Eva

Ilene Cummings - Standing